Face Off!

King of Jing (Yin Yang Huo) faces off with MacDaddy of Yang (Bu Gu Zhi)

It's a smack-down battle of the Yang Tonics, as Bu Gu Zhi throws down the warm and spicy gauntlet!

In this month's issue of YQ (Yang's Quarterly), Bu Gu Zhi states that he is "the most popular choice for tonifying Yang and securing Essence, because I am the stronger herb." He goes on justify his outrageous braggodocio, "Sure Yin Yang Huo can expel wind-cold-damp to relieve stubborn Bi Syndrome, but that fool's got nothing on my cock's crow diarrhea healing powers. I can firm that shit up, yo! Fo real! And when it comes to a man's jing control—a brotha's gonna put me in his formula before Yin Yang Huo. I got spermatorrhea and premature ejaculation locked up—fo sho!"

Sources reveal that Yin Yang Huo is not going to take this challenge laying down, incapacitated with joint pain and cramping.

Earlier today, YYH's spokes-person made a statement regarding Bu Gu Zhi's interview: "Let's face it, Bu Gu Zhi is just a bitter little seed. Sure he's warm and spicy and he reliably goes to the Spleen and Kidney to stop urinary incontinence due to Yang Xu. But Yin Yang Huo is the the king-daddy herb of erections! There's a lot of happy families out there who know which Yang tonic is really helping them get their sex-ay fertile baby-makin' on—and that is Yin Yang Huo, mah peeps."

In a show of Kidney tonifying supremacy, Yin Yang Huo took the stage with Rou Cong Rong and Ba Ji Tian to strengthen source qi at the Gate of Vitality in Minneapolis this afternoon. Together the three Yang tonics lead a cold, fatigued crowd in a rousing version of the formula "Zan Yu Dan" (aka Special Pill to Aid Fertility). The formerly listless and infertile audience with shiny pale complexions, started some seriously sex-ay bumpin' and grindin' as their Kidney essence became revitalized.

In a quick move to defend his Yang-ness, Bu Gu Zhi just announced on his personal blog that he intends to remaster his lumbago classic formula, "Qing E Wan," as a hot new club mix in cold-damp-windy London-town later this month. Keepin' it old school, Bu Gu Zhi states he will continue to team up with Du Zhong, Hu Tao Ren and "Garlic" Da Suan for the very warm club remix of "Qing E Wan."

"We'll see how Yin Yang Huo handles that. Just remember, Peeps, when it comes to lumbago—I gotcha backs, Baby! Bu Gu Zhi gotcha backs!"

Get the feeling this Yang fueled chest-beating is going to continue for some time?...




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Another Bloody Honor for Sheng Di Huang!

Sheng Di Huang

It was bloody honors all night long at the 2009 Golden Blood Awards on Saturday evening as Sheng Di Huang accepted the Lifetime Acheivment Award for Clearing Heat to Cool the Blood.

Sheng Di was gracious in his acceptance speech to an audience filled with high fevers, dry mouths and loads of restlessness. The paparrazi were delirious to capture a shot of the sweet icon of bitter coldness!

A short film tribute to Sheng Di Huangs established history of treating hematemesis, epistaxis, and hematuria brought calming anti-inflammatory relief to attendees. Even those with Xue Level Heat manifesting as dermatological disorders stopped their vile itching as their rashes and urticaria found relief.

Sheng Di Huang holds his award up high with Chai Hu presenting

Old friend and colleague, Chai Hu, presented Sheng Di Huang with the Golden Blood Vessel Award. Chai Hu brought the house down with his wild sense of humor and Liver Qi Soothing action. PMS (recently jilted by Chai Hu!) was super-pissed and stormed out in the middle of Sheng Di's acceptance speech. Too bad D-List bitch! No one cools blood to relieve excessive mentrual bleeding like Sheng Di!

Mu Dan Pi with an outfit straigt off QVC! Bleh... and Rrrraaaourrr! Sheng Di Huang—Tasty!

Mu Dan Pi accompanied her hubby down the red carpet, but OMG, what was she thinking with that outfit! It just says, "Bleh...zzzzz....(*snore!*)....!" C'mon sistah! You know how to eliminate Blood Stasis bettah than that! We expect more from the Queen of Relieving Ascendant Liver Fire. Our headaches, red eyes with pain, flank pain, flushing, and dysmenorrhea NEED YOU TO GET IT TOGETHA, Mu Dan Pi!