Face Off!

King of Jing (Yin Yang Huo) faces off with MacDaddy of Yang (Bu Gu Zhi)

It's a smack-down battle of the Yang Tonics, as Bu Gu Zhi throws down the warm and spicy gauntlet!

In this month's issue of YQ (Yang's Quarterly), Bu Gu Zhi states that he is "the most popular choice for tonifying Yang and securing Essence, because I am the stronger herb." He goes on justify his outrageous braggodocio, "Sure Yin Yang Huo can expel wind-cold-damp to relieve stubborn Bi Syndrome, but that fool's got nothing on my cock's crow diarrhea healing powers. I can firm that shit up, yo! Fo real! And when it comes to a man's jing control—a brotha's gonna put me in his formula before Yin Yang Huo. I got spermatorrhea and premature ejaculation locked up—fo sho!"

Sources reveal that Yin Yang Huo is not going to take this challenge laying down, incapacitated with joint pain and cramping.

Earlier today, YYH's spokes-person made a statement regarding Bu Gu Zhi's interview: "Let's face it, Bu Gu Zhi is just a bitter little seed. Sure he's warm and spicy and he reliably goes to the Spleen and Kidney to stop urinary incontinence due to Yang Xu. But Yin Yang Huo is the the king-daddy herb of erections! There's a lot of happy families out there who know which Yang tonic is really helping them get their sex-ay fertile baby-makin' on—and that is Yin Yang Huo, mah peeps."

In a show of Kidney tonifying supremacy, Yin Yang Huo took the stage with Rou Cong Rong and Ba Ji Tian to strengthen source qi at the Gate of Vitality in Minneapolis this afternoon. Together the three Yang tonics lead a cold, fatigued crowd in a rousing version of the formula "Zan Yu Dan" (aka Special Pill to Aid Fertility). The formerly listless and infertile audience with shiny pale complexions, started some seriously sex-ay bumpin' and grindin' as their Kidney essence became revitalized.

In a quick move to defend his Yang-ness, Bu Gu Zhi just announced on his personal blog that he intends to remaster his lumbago classic formula, "Qing E Wan," as a hot new club mix in cold-damp-windy London-town later this month. Keepin' it old school, Bu Gu Zhi states he will continue to team up with Du Zhong, Hu Tao Ren and "Garlic" Da Suan for the very warm club remix of "Qing E Wan."

"We'll see how Yin Yang Huo handles that. Just remember, Peeps, when it comes to lumbago—I gotcha backs, Baby! Bu Gu Zhi gotcha backs!"

Get the feeling this Yang fueled chest-beating is going to continue for some time?...




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Muscle Up, Baby

Dui Yao pair Huang Qi and Dang Shen muscle up!

Once again, formula-goddess Huang Qi has chosen to collaborate on another musically tonifying and uplifting formula with sassy Dang Shen. They are in the studio now decocting their latest creation—which sources reveal is going by the working title of "Bu Zhong Yi Qi Tang."

When asked why not pair up with Ren Shen, producer and King Herb, Huang Qi stated matter of factly, "It was a negotiation thing...Ren Shen just wanted too much money. Don't get me wrong...I love Ren Shen! Who doesn't? No one revitalizes source qi like Ren Shen, but with the economy in it's current state, I felt it was the prudent choice to go with up-and-commer, Dang Shen."

Dang Shen stated she was eager to pair with Huang Qi, and bring her Spleen and Stomach Qi tonifying abilities as well as Yin nourshing talents to the project. "Huang Qi is just SO amazing at building Wei Qi and defending from exterior attack. A tonic herb would have to be out of her mind not to want to collaborate with Huang Qi. Besides, she promotes urination, raises up sunken Yang, and stops sweating. It's truly an honor to Dui Yao with her."

Huang Qi was meticulous as always in her selection of supportive herbs. In addition to some of her usual band members—Zhi Gan Cao, Bai Zhu and Chen Pi—Huang Qi also brought Dang Gui on board to move and tonify blood, as well as, Sheng Ma and Chai Hu to uplift depressingly sunken Qi and Yang.

No prolapsed organs in the house with this formula! "Bu Zhong Yi Qi Tang" promises to melodically firm stool, relieve spontaneous sweating and fatigue, while improving appetite, shortness of breath, and generalized weakness.

"Intermittent fever that is worse upon extertion will not be a part of this formula," states uber-diva Huang Qi. "I am so sick of that Middle Jiao Qi deficiency shit! Totally overplayed. I am an artist. No weak, empty pulses, and chronic diarrhea. Eff that!"

So volatile, that Huang Qi queen bee! No wonder she's contraindicated for people with high blood pressure!

Sheesh!


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Another Bloody Honor for Sheng Di Huang!

Sheng Di Huang

It was bloody honors all night long at the 2009 Golden Blood Awards on Saturday evening as Sheng Di Huang accepted the Lifetime Acheivment Award for Clearing Heat to Cool the Blood.

Sheng Di was gracious in his acceptance speech to an audience filled with high fevers, dry mouths and loads of restlessness. The paparrazi were delirious to capture a shot of the sweet icon of bitter coldness!

A short film tribute to Sheng Di Huangs established history of treating hematemesis, epistaxis, and hematuria brought calming anti-inflammatory relief to attendees. Even those with Xue Level Heat manifesting as dermatological disorders stopped their vile itching as their rashes and urticaria found relief.

Sheng Di Huang holds his award up high with Chai Hu presenting

Old friend and colleague, Chai Hu, presented Sheng Di Huang with the Golden Blood Vessel Award. Chai Hu brought the house down with his wild sense of humor and Liver Qi Soothing action. PMS (recently jilted by Chai Hu!) was super-pissed and stormed out in the middle of Sheng Di's acceptance speech. Too bad D-List bitch! No one cools blood to relieve excessive mentrual bleeding like Sheng Di!

Mu Dan Pi with an outfit straigt off QVC! Bleh... and Rrrraaaourrr! Sheng Di Huang—Tasty!

Mu Dan Pi accompanied her hubby down the red carpet, but OMG, what was she thinking with that outfit! It just says, "Bleh...zzzzz....(*snore!*)....!" C'mon sistah! You know how to eliminate Blood Stasis bettah than that! We expect more from the Queen of Relieving Ascendant Liver Fire. Our headaches, red eyes with pain, flank pain, flushing, and dysmenorrhea NEED YOU TO GET IT TOGETHA, Mu Dan Pi!

Sex-ay Mai Men Dong!

Always slightly cold, but ever SO JUICY and sweet, Mai Men Dong nourishes the January cover of Yin Vogue. Lungs, Stomachs and even Hearts everywhere are sucking up the fluid generating goodness!

Hey! What happened to my dry cough?! And my nighttime feverishness with constipation and irritability!!

Must be the luscious effects of Mai Men Dong and her Yin nourishing delights!

;)




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Fang Feng Living the Dream: Venting Rashes and Going to the Liver

Fang Feng on the set of "I'm in a World of Measles"

Despite his acerbic and pungent wit, the kids just love this sweet—and let's face it—slightly warm herb.

Fang Feng showed up on set of the popular children's show, "I'm in a World of Measles" for a cameo spot to air in the cold-damp winds of February.

Apparently, the storyline of the episode goes like this:

Fang Feng plays himself as a celebrity exterior-releasing herb in town for the yearly Siler City Nursing Home charity to support tremor relief and search out wind-damp Bi pain in knees, wrists and a multitude of other joints, when he encounters little Measles having a bad case of stage-fright. Too scared to fully express herself in the karyoke talent portion of the charity event, Fang Feng comes to the rescue to teach little Measles how muster the chutzpah to vent her rashy voice to avoid heat sinking into the interior.

And to my absolute delight, Measle's totally annoying bff's—Achy, Sniffly, Fevery, and Spasms—(I hate these losers; I don't care if they are kids!)—get "accidentally" locked out of the event by Fang Feng, who has no patience for their whining and kvetching.

LOL! Loves it! :D

Well, apparently there's no time for cappucinos or shopping sprees on Rodeo for Fang Feng—

Immediately after the taping of "I'm in a World of Measles," Fang Feng caught a flight to New York City where he is completing filming on the set of "Tong Xie Yao Fang." This is Fang Feng's first foray into dramatic interior healing. Fang Feng is slated to play a major role in the formula, which also stars Bai Zhu, Bai Shao Yao, and Chen Pi...AND...is based on the true story of Liver overacting on Spleen.

Typically, the fun external-pathogen-releasing herb, Fang Feng was recently asked by Herbal magazine why he chose to take a role in "Tong Xie Yao Fang."

His answer:

"Sure external wind is more my thing. But what herb doesn't want a chance to stop diarrhea with abdominal pain due to aggressive Liver qi. Especially, if there's an emotional component involved, like stress or anxiety. I mean, c'mon—it's an herb's dream come true. And yes, of course, I remember to approach each case cautiously—to see if internal wind stirring is present. Because, as I stated before, I'm warm and the interior is just not my thing. But as it regards sudden diarrhea due to Wood Overacting—in the end, everyone knows—I always go to the Liver."

Can I get a drumroll with rimshot, puh-leeze? So PUNNY, that Fang Feng.

Yes indeed, leave it to Fang Feng to guide us back to the Liver again...and again...and again.



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